Stormy Water
by Valentine Angel
Summary: In MGS:2, Otacon searches desperately for Snake near the sinking tanker. Is it too late to say what he feels? Shounen-ai, Snake x Otacon.


Shounen-ai! I really had no idea what I was doing when I was writing this. I just started it, and let Otacon's thoughts and actions take over the rest. Enjoy!  
  
  
^^~^^~^^~^^ Stormy Water ^^~^^~^^~^^   
  
  
Oh god, I hope he's alive...   
  
Water all around me. It's drenching my arms as it splashes in fierce salt waves, my shirtsleeves soaked and clinging to me, stinging my skin. My glasses are blurred, rainwater running down them and the seawater spray onto them, leaving salt streaks. My hair and clothes are clinging to my body, and I'm cold, and in despair.   
  
The moment I heard all I needed to hear on CODEC: Liquid, Ocelot, and Metal Gear RAY loose... I'd left my station: screw our mission plan. I'd found our hired motorboat near the shore; activated the controls, and sped it out to sea in the storm towards the sight of the half-sunken Discovery tanker.   
  
It was a ghastly sight. Bodies floating in the water. Most of the tanker underwater. Dark clouds making it impossible to see anything alive or moving other than the cruel water. I can barely see in my glasses, but my eyes are blurring to match the lenses. Please, please don't let him be dead...   
  
"SNAAAAAAAAAKE!"   
But no one answers. I try to stop myself from crying, try to swallow the feeling of despair. Snake can't die...! He can't!   
He... can't...   
  
Why didn't I tell him when I had the chance?! Why?! This is my fault... Snake knew it was a trap, and I just told him not to worry! I'd grown complacent too, because of the number of successes we'd had in the past. Why didn't I tell him what I knew about on this mission? I had encountered problems, it had been an anonymous tip and I didn't tell him, and why? - Because I didn't want him to know about my past. I'm so selfish, so weak.   
And... and...   
... why didn't I tell him I love him?   
  
More than anything. He was - is, I try to correct myself in my mind - my only true friend, and yet I feel so much more for him. But I didn't want to lose him; that friendship, so I never said a word, kept my feelings wrapped up, kept my wants suppressed. He'd never have known. Dammit, if I've lost him now... and he doesn't know...   
  
Loss. I remember that so well. When I lost Wolf. She'd shown me some kindness. My sister, who always was sweet to me. Only those two did I ever feel some affection for, until Snake. Even though death can... separate... people, it doesn't separate feelings. Even though E.E probably hates me, I still adore her as the six-year old I remember - wherever she is. Wolf, I still feel for in a different sense; I feel the pain she had in life and realise now I associated it with my own, someone who might have understood me. But at least I told her what I thought, felt, at the time, so wherever she is now, she knows. But Snake... if he's... he won't know that he's been my best support and the only person I've had deep feelings for... then I truly have lost him.   
  
I'm even wetter now, streaks running down my face but I'm ignoring my own tears and the lead weight feeling in my heart. I'm not giving up on him! He's strong...   
  
I see the tanker sinking lower. I can see the dead bodies of soldiers and sailors being pulled towards it. I know that they'll all be dragged under as they get close. Oh god, what if Snake's amongst them? What if he's too weak to swim? What if he's alive, on the surface of the tanker, waiting to die...?   
  
I know I'll be dragged under too, but I don't care... I just want to see him again... I put on full power and plough through the waves, the boat nearly upturning once. I get in closer, and feel the ship's pull on the small boat. I won't die until I find Snake. My best friend...   
  
Closer to the tanker, I see something that gives me a glimmer of hope. Bodies on the tanker roof. I pray Snake's is there... and... even if he doesn't (I swallow and shudder at the thought) live, then at least I can bring him back...   
  
All the good times together. All the bad ones. I can't believe they might all be gone... Snake, gone. There's no one else who knew he was alive except me. He's in my memories only...   
  
I can't get any closer to the tanker now. Not without being sucked under with it. I'm close enough to see its decks, but no figures are moving, they're face-down in the water. Snake... where is he?!   
  
Then, I feel a prickle at the back of my neck, and something tells me to look to the right. Following the strange intuition, I turn the boat around and sail forward.   
  
I don't believe it... it is him! Snake!   
  
He's still, but he's on top of a floating piece of wood, legs in the water. I can hardly see anything apart from a limp bandanna and the glint of the USP in its holster. I sail next to him, close as I dare. At once, I grab hold of him instinctively, trying to drag him into the boat. I almost capsize the thing, but I don't care. I nearly fall in the water too; I'm not strong and he's heavy.   
  
We're both being pulled, too, towards the tanker. I panic. I have to get him onboard before we both die. I pull as hard as I can on him; tug him to the side. The piece of wood drifts away from underneath him. Now, it's all up to me to get him onboard.   
  
His neck is limp. I'm hauling him up from under the armpits. He still feels warm... I don't know how long he's been... unconscious? Dead? I don't know... I'm blocking it all out. Concentrating on the task.   
  
Then I hear a mumble, and the head lifts itself, and two slightly bloodshot eyes squint at me.   
"Ota-co..." he barely manages to speak. But he sees me pulling him, and my eyes meet his. He sees me, wide-eyed, relieved and frightened. I see some fright in his eyes too. That made me stare a little: Snake actually looked scared. Scared of what? To die? But he'd always risked that before, and never succumbed to fear...   
  
From somewhere he must have found a small reserve on energy because he looks a wreck, but he kicks his legs to keep afloat, raises his arms and gets his head and shoulders over the side, and I drag him the rest of the way. He lands on top of me, and doesn't move. I sit up and wildly press some controls, and we're moving away from the tanker.   
  
I almost breathe a sigh of relief, but I remember its not over yet; we're in a storm and there's a sinking ship nearby. I get up hurriedly, hoping Snake will be okay, and steer. I'm now terrified for both of our lives, instead of just his.   
  
I hear movement behind me, and I looks back in time to see Snake sit himself up groggily, his eyes half-closed, looking tiredly at me. He's depending on me. I can't let him down.   
  
How many miles are we from shore? It's going to take a long time to get there, and I can't even give him medical attention! I just hope for the best as we ride the waves. I get seasick, but I'm not even thinking about it anymore.   
  
My mind wanders, flitting from thought to thought as we escape the tsunami. I'm so glad he's alive. I'm almost certain he'll survive the whole thing. But Ocelot escaped with RAY. Philanthropy's in trouble. Looks like we'll be working on the project in secret again instead of bringing it to the world... but that's only a brief thought as my mind turns to more important thoughts.   
  
Snake. You'll never know how much I'm glad you're alive. But I'm going to express it soon, I promise myself that. Maybe not as soon as I was thinking of when I was worried he was dead, but soon.   
  
I'm crying again. I'm so damn relieved, I just can't help it. I'm silent though, so Snake won't notice. I glance back again. He still looks bad. He's probably injured, tired, and very, very seasick.   
  
Sometime later, we reach land. I sail up to a jetty, and moor the boat. I then turn around to Snake, scanning him anxiously. He's sitting up, and looks a little more alert. Just a little though: he still looks weak.   
"Are - are you alright?" I ask, my voice trembling.   
He makes to reply, then turns away hurriedly. I wince as I hear him cough up seawater over the side. But as soon as he's done, he turns around and looks at me, eyes blazing in pure emotion.   
"Hal." He manages, equally as shaky as my own voice.   
I don't care what he'll think; relief and stress catch up with me as I see his vulnerability. I throw myself on top of him, and cry into his shoulder.   
"Hey, hey," he mumbles embarrassedly. I try and halt the tears, and sit up on my knees. I make to wipe them away with my damp shirtsleeve, but he grabs my arm and stills it, and his blue eyes bore into me, seeing my skin tearstained. He runs a damp, gloved thumb over my cheek.   
"You... were crying for me...?" he murmurs, sounding stunned.   
I nod. "Snake, Dave... I was so scared," I admit.   
His eyes shine in... joy? Compassion? ... No, I'm just hoping, just jumping to conclusions. Just because he's had a near-death experience it doesn't mean he's any different. What is this, some kind of romance story? Doesn't happen in real life, Hal, remember?   
  
But my feelings physically hurt me; my heart aches so much to comfort him. And his hands are brushing still brushing away my tears, even as another one leaks from my eyes and runs over his fingers.   
"Pull yourself together," he says softly, not the way I'd expect him to. I think he understands that I'm shaken up, and that I don't think I can really calm down yet.   
  
I grasp his wrist to pull it away from my face, but end up just holding him. He feels warm... my lip trembles, not because I'm going to cry more, but I want to tell him, show him, I love him. But I can't.   
  
But he's looking at me strangely as I hold his hand. But... he's not stopped brushing my face.   
Hang on...   
He's stroking my cheek... not my tears anymore. His fingers are brushing my skin.   
Hal: Breathe steadily. Breathe steadily. You're just hallucinating.   
  
But somehow, I don't bring myself to move. I look into his eyes, looking for a sign as to why he's doing this. That same glint blazes in them. I wonder... I hope...   
  
Deep breath. I have to tell him. I almost lost my chance today.   
"David."   
He blinks. I rarely use his full name. But he waits questioningly, and he hasn't let his hand fall from me yet.   
Say it Hal. Say it. Tell him, just tell him, and if he's your friend he'll understand even if he says doesn't love you back...   
My right hand slides into my pocket awkwardly, and I clasp my hand onto something, which knocks my thought pattern off entirely. I bring out a slightly damp ration.   
"... You'll need your strength up after what happened. Eat this."   
Pregnant pause.   
Then he sighs, and releases me, and I let go of his wrist, and he accepts the ration, and eats it morosely. He looks away from me.   
Did I offend him?   
Still, I worry less about that as he eats it. The colour's returning to his face, anyhow. I remember we're still sitting in the boat I stole with the rain pouring on us, but now I don't feel cold or uncomfortable anymore with him there. I feel safe, warm. But still, my clothes are soaked through, so I won't be warm forever.   
  
I look at him finish the ration. He looks rough. But still, his wet hair clinging to his neck, and his suit tightly toned to his skin... rough, almost sexy.   
"Can we just sit here for a bit, I'm still not feeling that great." Snake said, putting a hand to his head.   
"Sure." I responded at once. I was so relieved he was okay; I would have done anything if he'd asked. I was still kneeling beside him. We were quiet for a few moments, and we were getting very wet in the rain.   
  
Now, I was getting cold. I shivered, which caught his attention, and before I could conceal it any further, I gave a sudden sneeze.   
"Hey, don't catch a cold," he said gruffly. He shuffled over a bit, and I sat next to him.   
  
We were so close. I was still shaky. I could see his lips a few inches away from mine, and I badly wanted to bridge the gap.   
  
I flit my eyes away from those lips, and freeze as I see Snake's eyes on me. I hope he didn't see me staring at him... though the look on his face indicates otherwise.   
"You alright?" Snake asks me cautiously, his eyes scanning mine. Somehow, I feel transparent when he does that. Part of me wants him to see what I'm thinking, and one part is terrified. I at once subconsciously try and hide my feelings again.   
"Yeah, I'm okay. Just getting cold." I suddenly realise he'd been floating in the sea for goodness knows how long, waiting for me. "Are you okay? You cold?"   
"... Not as cold as I was before." He responds after a moment.   
I nod vaguely.   
  
Snake still looks at me, with a slightly dark, concerned frown. "Are you... really okay?"   
He knows I'm upset, it's written all over me. Time to let loose those worries.   
"... I was so scared you were gonna die. I couldn't do a thing. I feel awful, Dave. I was worried I'd be too late to find you, and its all my fault. If I hadn't taken this mission so lightly..."   
Snake sits up so suddenly it knocks me backward. He gives me a very dark look.   
"Don't you dare think that, Otacon. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be alive now." His eyes soften a little. "You saved me. I should be the one that feels wrong."   
I frown a bit. "Why?"   
  
He fidgets, and doesn't look at me: he stares over the sea. "Why? You could have died trying to get to me in that water. You risked yourself to save me, and you shouldn't have to have done that."   
I was shocked he thought that. I stammer a little trying to force my thoughts into words. "I - I didn't save you! You're the hero, not me. I just found you." I thought for a moment about the risk he'd said I'd taken: true. I'd thrown myself in without a thought other than getting to him. "And I risked everything because... that's what true friends do, right?" I half-smile to myself, and mumble, embarrassed to admit, "And I was absolutely terrified."   
"... I wasn't." Snake responded.   
  
Was he intentionally rubbing it in? I know I'm a wimp, but he could have been a little more considerate. Okay, so he's usually very blunt like that, but seeing as he can tell I'm more than a little strained, it might have been a wiser idea for him to be quiet. But before my face can cloud over, he continues.   
  
"I wasn't afraid," Snake said slowly, "Because I knew you'd come for me. I put my trust in you. I knew somehow you'd find me. I wasn't afraid, right up until you did find me. Then I realised that I should haven't thought so selfishly. You could have been drowned with me, and I didn't think of that because of what I..."   
  
He broke off suddenly, as though he'd felt he said too much. Those words, as he spoke them, sounded as though they came from his heart. Maybe he felt ashamed that he'd behaved emotionally. I couldn't blame him, with the kind of mental conditioning he's had all his life, but he's had a very near-death experience.   
Trust... he said he trusted me. And I guess for someone like him to put faith in me, he must have some regard for me. I want to listen to him speak; see inside his soul, hear his thoughts. So, I prompt him. "Carry on."   
  
He shakes his head. "Sorry. Just lost control for a moment."   
"Well, lose it, you have a right to." I replied. "You just said you trusted me. Do you mean that? I'm not going to laugh at you. I want to know why you feel wrong, because you shouldn't."   
  
He looks awkward for a moment, and then takes a deep breath. "Hal. Remember, a long time ago... I told you love was about protecting someone?"   
I nodded uneasily. Where was he going?   
"I couldn't protect who I... love."   
  
Now the story was pouring out. Snake loved someone. Who? Meryl still? I was certain they were officially over after they had some arguments. They grew apart. I remember even subtly testing how Snake felt about her when he faced Gurlogovich's daughter. It would explain a lot: he's been less sensitive than normal as of late. I understand why now - he's been wrapping up feelings... the same way as I have... wait a second... no, it couldn't be... but it could... I could just take this chance, it might be the only time his heart will be open to me.   
  
"What couldn't you protect them from?" I ask him cautiously.   
"... My weakness. My want to stay alive. I still put survival first. I haven't changed in a few years at all." He put his hand to his head. "I'm a fool."   
"No. No you're not." I said decisively on his behalf. "... I acted on survival too, you know."   
Snake finally turns to face me. "How?" he asks.   
Time to tell him.   
"I couldn't bear the thought of life without someone I cared about. I lose everyone I ever attach to, too weak to do anything to help them. So this time, I... wanted to protect the one person I have left to care for."   
Snake keeps looking at me. I feel nervous now. He must know exactly what I mean. But he's not speaking. I have to fill this silence, every second feels horribly long.   
"Dave, I... j-just wanted you to know that I... love..."   
Damn... I'm still too weak to say it. The word is caught in the back of my mouth, pressed uncomfortably against my tongue. One word in the way of knowing the truth - a horrifying, or heaven-defying truth.   
"... you."   
He's still staring. Now I'm really nervous. He's acting like I've said nothing...   
  
With a sigh, I move to turn around and lie down and wait until he's ready to leave the boat - I feel cold now, from my skin to my heart - but suddenly his strong hand grabs my arm, and pulls me into him. I fall onto him, and hastily move to get up, but he has me pinned. I struggle: was he angry with me? I didn't even want to think about it. I always thought he'd be my friend... I screw my eyes tight shut, afraid of what was to come.   
  
"Hal, Hal!" he speaks, trying to still me. I stop struggling, and look into his eyes again. They still look the same as before, but... something's different...   
  
... Oh yeah. The fact he's entwining both his arms around my waist, and his eyes are locked onto mine, studying my face.   
"Hal. Do you mean that?" he asks. I hear hope in his voice, and suddenly I realise... he feels the same way... I gave in at once to everything I'd ever wanted to feel and show to him but couldn't before.   
"Yes. Yes, I've loved you for a long time, Dave." I respond.   
His face breaks into a smile, relief, pain, and happiness all etched into it at once. "I love you." He says, before, pulling me close to him, and my fingers grasp his shoulders for support, and as his face moves towards mine for only one good reason I can think of, I encircle his neck with my arms, and finally, quickly move in, and our lips touch in a second that feels like a dream.   
  
We both taste of salt water, but neither of us cares, as he kisses me, and after a few hesitant minutes, we finally open up to a deeper kiss. I caress his mouth with my tongue. I have no skill for this kind of thing, but as his hand strokes my hair... everything between us feels natural.   
  
The remnants of my tears are washed away by the rain, into the wood of the boat, and soak through to the water all around us. 


End file.
